She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
