4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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