Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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