I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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