she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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