i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
