just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize