Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.

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(813): View more from Florida

Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.

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(925): View more from California

They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.

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(347): View more from New York

Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.

(718): View more from New York

Truth. Respect the hustle.

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(713): View more from Texas

My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"

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(231): View more from Michigan

Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!

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