The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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