She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
