Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
