I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
