i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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