maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
