And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
