i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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