Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
