i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
