You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
