Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
