do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
