She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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