Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
