once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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