dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
