before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
