I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize