Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
