I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Houston, we have a blender
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
