it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
