this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
