hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
