my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
