I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
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