Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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