T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize