Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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