i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
