im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
