I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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