all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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