Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize