I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My friends, they love my intelligence
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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