if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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