this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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