you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
