And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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