I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
