I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
