where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
