I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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