bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
