Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize