and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They have beer where we have blood.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
