she was so not down for the gang bang
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
