piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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