take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
