I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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