Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
