Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
