Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
