Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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