Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
