Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
