Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
