You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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