Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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